The Saturday Journal: My Cancer--You see because of you, I was Stronger. Braver. Less Afraid.

It's been five years--late summer 2018 since I heard the words from my doctor--there is a chance it is breast cancer. And this month--October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Over the next few weeks I will be resharing my cancer journey on The Saturday Journal. These stories are dedicated to those who know all to well the waiting while wearing the pink robes--to those who rang the victory bell and to the families and friends of those who received their healing in heaven. For those who wear scarves and wigs and to those who often times suffer in silence, and to their families. And to those who advocate and work diligently for a cure.

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August 28, 2018

You don’t know this and you may not even know me. And I may not know your name. But I want to thank you. You see, because of you I was stronger. Braver. Less afraid. Because of you.

The morning darkness was still lit by the stars of Abraham’s promise. And before walking out the door I clasp the lock on my brave necklace—the butterfly necklace a friend gave me. I hope they allow me to keep it on.

I count the trucks on the interstate. Some parked along the exits. A rest for the weary. Some with their wheels warm to the road. Not many cars traveling on this early morn.

And God is here.

I find my entrance at the place that never sleeps. The volunteer receptionist—an older lady and she smiles at me. Her voice is a calm and I take my place in the waiting room and within minutes it begins to fill and I see them walk in. She’s wearing her pajama bottoms, her arms tightly wrapped around a red blanket. And her friend with her camouflage shirt adorned with the large pink ribbon. I don’t ask their story. I have no need—the friend’s shirt speaks loud….I am here. I am right here by your side. I am fighting with you—for you. I won’t leave you. And they take their seats. Together, they wait.

And God is here.

A few minutes pass and the doors swing open and the nurse in the blue scrubs calls my name. We exchange morning hellos and I notice how shiny the floors are and how the hallway goes on forever. We go into what looks like the emergency room and she explains she will take my vitals and I will stay there until another nurse comes for me. She’s a sweet lady. Our birthdays are six days apart—hers the 6th and mine the 12th. December babies.

Another nurse enters the area and with her is an elderly gentleman. She takes him behind the adjoining curtain and he tells her his bride of 53 years—she’s right outside the room. My nurse finishes my vitals and assures me I won’t have to wait much longer and before she leaves she softly says to me, ‘don’t worry.’

And the man next to me —well, he’s still talking. Are you saved? he ask his nurse. And she said, oh, yes sir I am. I quit church and join the Marines where they cussed some, he said. My Mama wasn’t happy. But God let me live. I praise God for my salvation.

And God is here.

It’s almost 7am and my other nurse arrives. Wearing a smock--black adorned with a million pink ribbons it seems. Her black hair pulled partially back into a ponytail. I learn she and her boyfriend ride motorcycles. She promises the procedure won’t take long. We walk down the shiny hallway again and there’s a young man mopping the floor. He’s the reason for the shine. And I say good morning.

Another room—this time smaller. And the nurse, she and my doctor explains the procedure steps. ‘You can keep your necklace on,’ she said. I can’t help believe she knew it was part of my needed brave.

And as I laid there with my body perfectly still I watched as this tube carried my tissue and blood into the machine with the large button lit bright red, labeled biopsy, and I thought about you. Women who have been here before me.

My pain came and I prayed not only for myself but for Hannah, the young teacher with two small children whose fighting her own battle with breast cancer. On this morning her story—her pain helped with my pain.

To the dear friends and loved ones who have gone through the same procedure, some more than once. Your stories—your strength gave me strength. To Elaine and Ann and so many other women who fought their battles hard and won the victory crossing over holding onto Jesus’ hands–on this morning your stories– your fight gave me fight–your faith deepened my faith.

And to Kathryn and Sharon and Teresa and Anne and Diane and Caroline and Sylvia and all of the women who fought hard and today your bodies hold battle scars as survivors—on this morning your stories—your brave made me brave.

And to every woman who is clinging to blankets going through chemo and radiation and mastectomies and lumpectomies and to their families and friends and loved ones who wear pink ribbons and pink hats and pink shirts in support. Names I will never know. On this morning your stories—your courage gave me courage.

And God is here.

The nurse was right. The procedure didn’t take long. And my doctor, he’s done this before. More times than he cares to count or remember, I’m sure. His face is humble as he explains the biopsy results will be back in a week and once he receives them we will meet and talk. And before he leaves the room he scolds the nurse for riding a motorcycle in a pleasant, but very meaningful way and she smiles.

And God is here.

Fifteen minutes or so pass and I am released. Well to drive. I made my way back to the car, the night skies now day blue. The car door shuts and in that moment the walls I had built around my heart over the last three weeks broke. And my tears flowed for every woman who has ever had to hear these words…..there is a chance you may have breast cancer.

And God is here. He’s always here.

A humble thank you for reading The Saturday Journal. My prayer is to share The Saturday Journal every Saturday or at least bi-weekly--but always on Saturdays. If you would like to have The Saturday Journal come to your email box, please subscribe to A Beautiful Grace blog and newsletter at http://www.tathelmiller.com

All photos @copyright Tathel Miller, unless otherwise credited to another photographer.

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ANNOUNCEMENT

I'm humbled to announce I have a new children's book out,

X-Marks the Spot.

It's been a long time coming and I will share more soon, but for now I'm a little overwhelmed and deeply grateful for God's kindness and grace. For His Glory Alone.

Below is a little about the book. The book is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Cokesbury, Thrift Books, and other book sellers if you are interested in a copy.

The link below is for Amazon. Thank you again for all your support.

https://www.amazon.com/X-Marks-Spot-Tathel-Miller/dp/1649600607