The Saturday Journal: Fatback. A Snake and a Flat of Eggs

Ralph and Sadie lived in a little house alongside a dirt road just a short distance from the main road--a little under a mile to be exact. And Ralph and Sadie had a few young'uns. These kids, they weren't mean per se. They were what people call--mischievous. They played outside--in the dirt--in the woods--rode bikes--among other things, when they weren't hoeing taters or picking green beans or doing some other job they were told to do. They rode the bus morning and afternoon and on some days when they felt really lucky--there would be a small plate on the stove waiting on them after school. Still warm--these delicious crisp strips of fat back.

Now if you don't know what fat back is or never ate any--you should try it--it's like white bacon--almost, with more salt. Good cooks season their green beans with fatback--and I'm sure there are other uses. It's from a pig--what part, I don't know. I don't wanna know.

There was this one time Sadie was sick in the bed so Ralph took to the kitchen. Ralph could cook--not a lot but he could fry up some tasty scrambled eggs, warm cans of beans--mashed potatoes--they were his specialty though. His eldest was in the kitchen with him on this day and he got out the slab of fat back and said, 'Start frying up this fat back. Use that iron skillet there--put a little Crisco in the skillet. I'm going to go check on your Mama.'

Well a few minutes went by and Ralph came back into the kitchen to a black iron skillet with grease popping like firecrackers on the fourth of July. He grabbed a towel and the handle of the hot skillet and moved it away from the burner.

Sometimes Ralph, when he got a little excited and the "s" word would slip off his tongue out into thin air. This was one of those times. Don't get me wrong, Ralph was a good man--but the "s" word--there was no stopping it on some occasions. And for the sake of this story, we will just say, Ralph yelled out "Poop-Fire, What are you doing??!!"

"I'm frying the fat back, Daddy. Just like you told me," the eldest said.

"You're supposed to cut it in slices first!" he said, shaking his head.

"Well I was doing what you told me--You told me to fry the whole thing!"

And while we are in the kitchen, let's just go on to another story. At the time of this story, Ralph and Sadie's kids had all grown up--some with kids of their own. It was a special occasion--not sure which one--but the family was coming to Ralph and Sadie's for dinner that day. The eldest again, was in the kitchen with her Daddy--she had gotten there early to help. Ralph was at the stove--stirring his prized potatoes--making sure not one scorched.

Then all of a sudden a blood curling scream came from the back part of the house and Sadie came running into the kitchen with her pants down at her ankles. 'There's a snake in the bathroom Ralph--get in there and kill it!'

What happened was--if you are wanting to know why her pants were riding down on her ankles--Sadie had drank too much coffee that day, most likely, and just got sat down to a little private moment and there he was--minding his own business--a baby black snake, maybe a foot long resting on the cool of the bathroom floor--next to the toilet.

Really, Ralph was in no hurry to help--You have to remember these mashed potatoes--well they took top-priority. And he stood there for a good few minutes--quietly stirring his potatoes.

'Did you not hear me?? Sadie yelled. "I said there's a snake in the bathroom!! Get in there and kill it, Ralph!

So Ralph made his way into the bathroom and reached right down with his bare hands and picked up that baby snake by the tail, walked in the living room--opened the front door and tossed that snake right out into the yard.

Sadie, standing there--her pants still down--by this time she was fuming--madder than an ole wet hen--as the saying goes. 'What in tarnation are you doing?! It's just going to get back in the house!'

'Sadie, go change your pants.' And with that, Ralph strolled back into the kitchen. He had potatoes waiting on him.

Soon the other kids arrived and the eldest was quick to say--you lollygaggers--you missed it! You shoulda been here on time! You missed the snake! And the story of the snake was told a few times more. Ralph laughed. Sadie cooled off some. And they all gathered around the table--blessing the food and thanking God for another time to be together--as family.

One last story about Ralph and Sadie's young'uns. It was Halloween night--the kids had their masks and plastic dime store costumes on--one had "borrowed" and ruined on of Sadie's best sheets. They walked up and down their little dirt road--stopping from house to house--knocking on each door, and then Sadie, if they were good would drive them to more family members' homes--let them out and they would walk door to door--gathering candy and apples and a dollar or two when one of the aunts ran out of candy.

On this particular Halloween night--it was still early. And the kids, they were restless. Now remember, I told you the kids weren't mean--just mischievous. So they walked up the road to meet a few more neighborhood kids--all about the same age--ranging from nine to twelve, maybe a tad bit older. One of the neighborhood boys--his Daddy owned a store and just so happened on this Halloween night--he had direct access to a very large flat of eggs. He told the other kids--they were rotten. So the story goes. Anyway, not sure if it was his idea or one of Ralph and Sadie's kids' idea--but somebody suggested hiding in the hay field close to the main road and take target practice with those eggs--see which one had the best throwing arm--and the targets--cars and trucks passing by.

Those kids, they hunkered down in the tall damp grass, like a cat on the prowl and when they heard the sound of a motor coming up the road--some--not all--would bravely rise up like the Great Pumpkin on Halloween night and give the eggs a sling. And it was all well and good--all fun and games until they actually hit one--it was told--a truck--and the driver had his window rolled down.

And what came next, tires screeching--brakes screaming and the scene quickly took a turn. It was almost like when the two little pigs were running from the wolf, except it was a gaggle of kids running home to their Mamas. It was said one kid cried and another prayed. And never was a word uttered to Ralph or Sadie, nor the storekeeper--and the driver of the truck--it was rumored the next day he was at the very store where the eggs came from--asking if other cars or trucks got hit by eggs--on Halloween night.

Some say--the stories of Ralph and Sadie and their kids--the neighborhood kids--they are just made up--tall tales.

And others say--every word is true. They really did happen--it's just the names are changed to protect the innocent.

I'm just gonna leave you with these words from the Good Book, where every Word is true and faithful and full of promise...

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

(Proverbs 17:22)

A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

(Proverbs 15:13)

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All photos @copyright Tathel Miller, unless otherwise credited to another photographer.

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